Meet the Ants

Everything you wanted to know about the world’s only 4 man sketch group (other 4 man sketch group are available).


EYES – Shifty

HAT SIZE – Extra large.

AMBITION – Buffet for one. Big spoon.

FACT – Once, at a party, Andy was mistaken for Henry VIII.

FAVOURITE QUOTE - ‘I haven’t lost any weight, but I’m still alive. So… all round, I’m pretty proud of myself’

Elliott on Andy - I remember knowing that I would like Andy before I even met him. I was in the communal kitchen at a theatre in West London and Andy walked in to make himself a cup of tea. He took a small polystyrene cup and dunked three tea bags in it. He turned to us, said ‘Quicker innit!’ and downed it in one. Legend.


HOBBIES – None. Not interested.

AGE – Unknown.

ORIGIN – Jim is a quarter Victorian.

FACT – Carries a briefcase but only keeps a banana in it.

STUPID FACT – Jim once worked in Sainsbury’s for three weeks unpaid. The reasons are too complex to write here.

EMBARRASING FACT – Jimmy has a very sensitive gag reflex. Sometimes we can waste hours and hours creating smells, bearing things and regurgitating things in order to make Jim ‘gip’.

Ben on Jimmy – Jimmy loves cleaning. He cleans everything. He has a cleaner and when she comes round, he cleans her.


HEIGHT – 3 ft 2 ins

HAIR – Awesome

HOBBIES – Stealing jokes from the ‘Two Ronnies’. Growing beards.

FACT – Using three condoms and a plastic bag, he once made a wet suit for a cat.

STUPID BUT TRUE – For a long time Elliott thought that Jimmy Hendrix was a snooker player.

Jimmy On Elliott -  Elliott had a gambling addiction for a long time. He and his friend Chris would play a game called ‘darts’. The rules were as follows. First Elliott and Chris would play a game of paper/scissor/stones. The winner of paper/scissor/stones was the winner of ‘darts’. And the winner of ‘darts’ got to throw a dart into the loser’s back.


STRENGTH – Ben is strong!

HEIGHT – Ben stands tall!

STATUS – Ben is your leader!

FACT – Ben insisted on writing his own statistics.

FACT 2 – Ben bloody loves pork products. One day while we were on tour Ben’s lunch consisted of a sausage roll, a pork-and-stuffing sandwich, some pork pie, a Pepperami and a bag of crisps (bacon frazzles).

Andy on Ben -  Ben has two sets of clothes. One for summer, one for winter. If it’s sunny and cold he gets confused and stays in.

Ben on Ben - Ben is remarkable.


5 Responses to “Meet the Ants”

  1. Liza (prounced 'Leeeeza' on 18 September 2012, 11:41 pm

    Just a question. Would a night watching Idiots of Ants be appropriate to take a man I’ve been dating for only 3 and a half weeks? Its his Birthday. Many thanks, Liza

  2. idiots on 24 October 2012, 1:52 pm


  3. Helen Clegg on 2 March 2013, 12:09 am

    James…Did I go to school with you? Wisbech Grammar?
    Oh brilliant show by the way; saw you in Ruislip…

  4. idiots on 22 March 2013, 12:34 am

    Hi Helen, glad you enjoyed the show. I grew up in Yorkshire and didn’t go to Wisbech Grammar I’m afraid.

  5. lynn on 16 August 2013, 11:29 pm

    Wot! No edinburgh festival run this year???? Gutted :-(

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